No Longer A Victim

This site contains some very disturbing information. This is your only warning.

I have set this site up so the oldest entry is at the top of the page.

This is a retelling of my experiences. My timelines are not always correct. I do not always remember the years correctly.

As I can no longer edit the dates to make this post go in reverse chronological order I will no longer be adding posts here. Please check my other blog for any further postings.

Name:
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada

I have been walking a long and winding path. This is my healing path. I must say there were some points on the path where the end could not be imagined. I hurt all over and wanted to just stop and rest. I have not stopped. I have learned to rest while moving forward. I can not imagine the end of my path now. I do not want to imagine it anymore. The end of my path will be the end of my existence on this planet. I have learned to smile and I am enjoying life more now. The struggle pays off eventually.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Haves and Have Nots



All my life I have had many things;
I have had strength, I just did not know it.
I have had courage, it was also unknown to me.
I have had Intelligence, this one did not elude me.
I have had maturity, even when I should have had innocence.
I have had power, raw and unrefined and blind to it.
I have had all of these for as long as I can remember,
I was conditioned to not notice this gifts,
I have over come that conditioning,
I am realizing just what gifts I have always had.

The things that I have always lacked have been;
Good Mentors,
Proper Direction,
Unconditional Love.

I have over come a lot of things, I have been self directed.
I am tired of stumbling around in the dark.
I am tired of being numb to the pats on the back,
And being afraid that the pat is going to be a smack.

I am grateful to the few who have be able to reach me,
They have made all the difference in my world.
If not for them, their love and understanding,
I would probably have ended up dead,
Alone somewhere in a ditch.

This world is full of hero's,
Those people who love you just for being you,
They are heroes.
don't believe me try living a day without Unconditional Love.

Some of my hero's include;
My wife,
My Stepdaughter,
My Individual Therapist,
The Circle of Friends, ( This is the group of gentlemen from my first group therapy ),
The Two Therapists who facilitated the group therapy,
All the other Therapists out there who go above and beyond for their clients.

Thank you to all my hero's.
You have all made a big impact on my life and I do appreciate it.

Cheers

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you baby

Your wife

7:06 p.m.  
Blogger justamom said...

God, I pray that one day my son will count me among his heroes. I am trying.

Your blog is so powerful. Thank you for sharing.

10:05 a.m.  
Anonymous Pain N Power said...

Dude, i have read all you have written, and i know i have talked to you about some hardcore stuff, but i've never seen a man so powerful that he could admit some of the things you have said have happened to you.

my fatehr was a drunk, an abusive self righteous prick, got me addicted to cigarettes at 6-7 years old and addicted to alcohol around the age of 2.

my mothers always been here, not because she loves me, so she could take advantage of my finacial situation, i have been supporting her and her boyfriend for about three years now, and i have finally had enough of it.

you spoke of self abuse, and i can relate. my arm is nothing but scars, old ones, fresh ones, and still scabbed cuts and burns. i suspect that there will be more scars and cuts and burns to take the places of the healed ones, because i just havent gotten that far yet.

i have quit smoking now, after being up to 4 packs of king sized cigarettes for 4 years, my mother and father both smoked at least 2 packs a day when my mother was pregnant with me, the doctor said that i was very nearly born with nicotine addiction. i was addicted to cocaine for about a year, i didnt want to deal with what my parents did.

all that u say, all that u have been thru, i do not notice you say anything about street living. when i was 14 i ran away from my family, i dont even think they noticed me leaving. i lived on the streets for 3 years, squatting in abandon buildings, friends basements, even in bus stations when i had to. i was a punk, a grease covered, dirtball punk, i only had 1 set of clothes and i had to wear them everyday, imagine that, i could only eat when i managed to panhandle a few bucks. i live by myself now, and i have a girlfriend, i'm not abused by anyone but myself.

and here are some of my heros:

YOU! you've inspired me not to be afraid anymore, and you have saved my life once that i remember, and i thank you for that. if you hadn't talked me out of suicide i wouldnt be here, i wouldnt have a better life, i'd be a blood crusted corpse until the stench started to seep thru the vents and sum1 noticed. your my hero.
I Sign This:
Anthony, some one you've insipred and saved.

6:31 p.m.  

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